As I often tell my clients when they are departing, “Don’t forget to recommend me to your friends and family”. This suggestion is often met with a bit of laughter. The good work I do in sex therapy is not likely to be recommended by word of mouth or even discussed with anyone but very close friends. So, most of the clients I see for sexuality concerns are referred by other professionals such as gynecologists, urologists, pelvic floor specialists, other therapists who are familiar with my work but do not specialize in sex therapy, and from self referral based on an internet search.

So, how do you select a sex and relationship therapist wisely from the internet? Not an easy task as in many states, anyone can claim to be a “sex coach or sex therapist”. Here are some suggestions for selecting a sex therapist:

1. Ask if they are licensed. They may be a psychiatrist (M.D.), a psychologist (Ph.D. or Psy.D), a clinical social worker (LCSW), a Master’s in Counseling (Licensed Professional Counselor), or have a related degree such as a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family therapy (M.A. or MFT) or Pastoral Counseling. Someone who has at least a Master’s Degree but is not yet licensed should have their supervisory status noted on their website. If you are not sure, check with the Missouri Department of Professional Registration to verify their licensing status. Sometimes practitioners advertise themselves as a “sex coach” or “sex educator”. A sex coach, educator, or sex counselor can assist with some sexual difficulties, but those labels do not assure licensed status.

2. Education from an accredited university and a minimum of a Master’s Degree is recommended.
3. Specialized education and training in psychotherapy, training in working with couples, and sex therapy training and supervision or certification in sexuality are preferred.

To be a good sex therapist, you begin by being good at assessment and working with general issues such as depression and anxiety. Building on that, training and experience in working with couple issues is the next step (I don’t know how to do sex therapy without also doing couple’s therapy!). Finally, specialized training and experience in sexuality, hopefully resulting in certification by an organization such as the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) assures the highest level of expertise that can be objectively validated. As there are so few therapists who have completed the rigorous, time consuming and costly training and supervision required to become an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, look for someone in the process of certification under the supervision of a certified sex therapist, or at least someone whose specialty is relationship and marriage therapy who has taken seminars in sexuality and is familiar with the field. Someone who is certified in Imago or Gottman therapy or has earned an American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) Certification can be a good bet.

1. EXPERIENCE: Obviously, someone who has specialized in working with sexuality concerns for a decade or two may have better insight and experience, and perhaps the better network of adjunct helping professionals such as specialists in infertility, etc. Look also to see if they have published in the field, are affiliated with a sexuality organization or two, or have done public speaking on the subject of sexuality on a regular basis.
2. Ability to relate to you: One of the most important considerations is your ability to connect and feel understood by the helping professional you select. Most therapists will encourage a 5 to 15 minute telephone conversation at no cost to help you determine whether there is a “click”.

Congratulations on beginning the journey! May you find the right guide for you!